suburban haiku poetic dispatches from behind the picket fence

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Suburban Haiku

Author : Peyton Price
ISBN : 9780762453801
Genre : Humor
File Size : 83. 54 MB
Format : PDF
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A suburban soccer mom describes the trials and tribulations of her daily life, from PTA meetings, children's sports and the occasional rare spa day, through 17-syllable poems done in the traditional Japanese style. 30,000 first printing.

Suburban Haiku

Author : Peyton Price
ISBN : 1480061077
Genre : Humor
File Size : 48. 44 MB
Format : PDF
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Suburban Haiku: Christmas Special is a collection of more than 100 holiday haiku. Frenzied shopping, endless wrapping, holiday card snubs, open house etiquette, competitive decorating, the Santa photo line-From Black Friday to Christmas Day, it's all here. Suburban Haiku: Christmas Special is the perfect introduction to the entertaining Suburban Haiku series, and an ideal last minute gift for Christmas lovers and Scrooges alike. When you hang the lights, turn up the festive music to drown out the swears. Now don't get tipsy at the neighbor's open house. You might spill too much. Thanks for the help, kids. Now all that's left for Mommy is redo the tree.

How To Stay Bitter Through The Happiest Times Of Your Life

Author : Anita Liberty
ISBN : 1588365417
Genre : Humor
File Size : 38. 29 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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“I had a lot of bad dates. But I wrote a lot of good poems.” So maintains Anita Liberty, the caustically funny New York City performance artist who was going along happily healing her hurt by hating and humiliating her detestable ex-boyfriend on stage and in print until the unthinkable happened: she had a good date. And one good date deserves another. And another. And another. And, all of the sudden, Anita Liberty finds herself in a predicament. Getting dumped launched Anita’s career–Will falling in love finish it? Who’s more important: her devoted audience or her newly devoted boyfriend? And on top of everything, Hollywood won’t stop calling and Anita can’t figure out if It wants a serious commitment or just a little bit of no-strings-attached fun. From digging mercilessly into the minutiae of her new relationship to dramatically torching every professional bridge she crosses in L.A., Anita refuses to let a big load of bliss get dumped right in the middle of her career path. “He said that my work was amazing and hilarious and smart and that he can’t wait to see me perform. So I had sex with him.” “My boyfriend asked me to change my look. To something other than contemptuous.” {BARGAIN} Whatever Hollywood ends up paying me for the rights to the story of my life. “It’s easier to go back to fantasizing about perfection . . . than to accept that perfection is just a fantasy.” “Boyfriend thinks I’d rather be right than happy. Boyfriend’s right. But I’m not telling him that.” Through blog entries, film scenes, poems, and to-do lists, Anita Liberty documents the perils and pitfalls of dating, sex, relationships, artistic success, and the kind of true love that sucks the creative life out of you to the point where you just end up staring at a blank computer screen and thinking gooey thoughts about your new boyfriend even though you should be writing. From the Trade Paperback edition.

I Heart My Little A Holes

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 9780062341617
Genre : Humor
File Size : 33. 15 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Blame Me

Author : Sgarlata
ISBN : 0692779728
Genre :
File Size : 57. 77 MB
Format : PDF
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Humorous memoir about working on Wall Street from 1996-2009.

People I Want To Punch In The Throat

Author : Jen Mann
ISBN : 9780345549983
Genre : Humor
File Size : 49. 1 MB
Format : PDF
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NATIONAL BESTSELLER A debut collection of witty, biting essays laced with a surprising warmth, from Jen Mann, the writer behind the popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat People I want to punch in the throat: • anyone who feels the need to bling her washer and dryer • humblebraggers • people who treat their pets like children Jen Mann doesn’t have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, her fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of mothers’ night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship (the one you have with your cleaning lady), nothing is sacred or off-limits. So the next time you find yourself wearing fuzzy bunny pajamas in the school carpool line or accidentally stuck at a co-worker’s swingers party, just think, What would Jen Mann do? Or better yet, buy her book. Advance praise for People I Want to Punch in the Throat “People I Want to Punch in the Throat is so good that it’ll make you want to adopt all the cats in the world. I’m not sure about the correlation, but it’s that good. It should come with a warning.”—Jenny Lawson, author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened “Jen Mann has an amazing way of telling stories that will make you cringe and burst out laughing at the same time. From swinger parties to racist toddlers, she makes the suburbs unbelievably funny.”—Karen Alpert, author of I Heart My Little A-Holes “Jen Mann says the things we’re all too afraid to say. Her honest and hilarious writing style reminds me of David Sedaris and Tina Fey.”—Robin O’Bryant, author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “Jen Mann’s shrewd and unrelenting assault on the absurdity of suburban life is an honest peek into the occasional nightmare that is part of living the American dream. I love Jen. I wish she was my neighbor. It’s so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who wants to punch almost everyone in the f***ing throat.”—Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink And Swear From the Trade Paperback edition.

Motherhood Realized

Author : Power of Moms
ISBN : 9781938301933
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 54. 46 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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We believe that family life is beautiful and that motherhood is a privilege. But we also believe it is often really hard to see all that beauty when we're in the midst of mothering. So often, we feel like we're spread too thin. We feel like we don't match up. Our hearts want to do more than our hands can manage. And every day, as we cycle through household duties, discipline, errands, conversations, teaching, and hundreds of unexpecteds, we're often left tired, worried, and in need of some extra inspiration and encouragement. Power of Moms is an online community of deliberate mothers. Since 2007, millions of mothers from all backgrounds who are striving to be the best they can be have gathered to our website to learn and grow together. Time and again, our posts receive comments that say something like, "I am going to print this out and put it on my nightstand so I can read it again and again." We've been concerned about those nightstands . . . getting all cluttered up with paper. So we've selected dozens of our most popular posts and compiled them neatly into this book just for you. Becoming Our Best Selves Getting Through Hard Times Remembering the Meaning in Motherhood Shifting Our Perspectives Savoring the Moments This book isn't just a book. It's a tangible representation of a living, breathing community of mothers. Motherhood is the hardest job we'll ever love, and it's so much better when we're doing it together.

Mom Candy

Author : Jena Pincott
ISBN : 9780375723827
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 29. 68 MB
Format : PDF
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Deliberate Motherhood

Author : Power of Moms
ISBN : 9781938301919
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 59. 94 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
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The outstanding authors of Deliberate Motherhood have let the trials and hardships of motherhood mold them into better people. Whether the change includes learning patience when the two-year-old “paints” your walls with the black permanent marker or forgiving a teenager who screams “I hate you,” or loving more when that naughty child doesn’t really deserve it, it’s a change that refines us—or as the dictionary describes it, “removes impurities, makes something more effective or become more elegant.” That is powerful! You may think that everything has been said about motherhood, but the delightful thing about Deliberate Motherhood is that every mother/author is one-of-a-kind. They each come from different backgrounds, have different parents, are married (or not) to different people, and certainly have “different” children. Each of the 12 “Powers” provided in this book is a crucial component to help you in your motherhood. And the best part is that you don’t need to do it all at once. You can focus on one “power” a month, and over the course of a year, you’ll see great changes in yourself and in your family. The mark of a great book is that it makes you think . . . and it helps you change . . . which in the case of this book, is an absolute guarantee!

Angelina

Author : Andrew Morton
ISBN : 9781429943529
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 45. 11 MB
Format : PDF, Mobi
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The gripping true story of Angelina Jolie, from #1 New York Times bestselling biographer Andrew Morton. "I like to collect knives," says Angelina Jolie, "but I also collect first edition books." At first glance, she might seem to be someone without any secrets, talking openly about her love life, sexual preferences, drug use, cutting, and tattoos--and why she kissed her brother on the lips in public. And yet mysteries remain: What was really going on in her brief, impulsive marriages to Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton, and what is going on in her partnership with Brad Pitt? What's behind the oft-reported feud with her father, the Oscar-winning actor Jon Voight? What drove her to become a mother of six children in six years? And—perhaps most puzzling of all—what about the other side of Angelina: How did this talented but troubled young actress, barely 35 years old, become a respected Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations as well as the "most powerful celebrity in the world" (unseating Oprah Winfrey) on Forbes' 2009 Celebrity 100 list? The answers that Andrew Morton has uncovered are astonishing, taking us deep inside Angelina's world to show us what shaped her as a child, as an actress, and as a woman struggling to overcome personal demons that have never before been revealed. In this spellbinding biography, Andrew Morton draws upon far-reaching original interviews and research, accompanied by exclusive private photographs, to show us the true story behind both the wild excesses of Angelina's youth and her remarkable work with children and victims of poverty and disaster today.

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