this book is full of spiders seriously dude don t touch it john dies at the end 2

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This Book Is Full Of Spiders

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9781250017901
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 28. 25 MB
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Now with never before seen pages from David Wong's next book Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits. From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes. WARNING: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.

This Book Is Full Of Spiders Seriously Dude Don T Touch It

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9781781164563
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 56. 33 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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Fan favourite David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with this blistering sequel to the cult sensation John Dies at the End, now a movie starring Paul Giamatti. As the sequel opens, we find our heroes, David and John, again embroiled in a series of horrifying yet mind-bogglingly ridiculous events caused primarily by their own gross incompetence. The guys find that books and movies about zombies may have triggered a zombie apocalypse, despite a complete lack of zombies in the world. As they race against the clock to protect humanity from its own paranoia, they must ask themselves, who are the real monsters? Actually, that would be the shape-shifting horrors secretly taking over the world behind the scenes that, in the end, make John and Dave kind of wish it had been zombies after all. Hilarious, terrifying, engaging and wrenching, This Book Is Full of Spiders, the next thrilling installment, takes us for a wild ride with two slackers from the midwest who really have better things to do with their time than prevent the apocalypse.

John Dies At The End

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9780857686220
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 55. 46 MB
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My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrock, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defence is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part about the bratwurst. Why? You'll just have to trust me. Unfortunately for us, if you make the right choice, we'll have a much harder time explaining how to fight off the otherwordly invasion currently threatening to enslave humanity. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT...

Futuristic Violence And Fancy Suits

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9781466835436
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 60. 4 MB
Format : PDF
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A Winner of the 2016 Alex Awards Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. Mysterious, smooth-talking power players who lurk behind the scenes. A young woman from the trailer park. And her very smelly cat. Together, they will decide the future of mankind. Get ready for a world in which anyone can have the powers of a god or the fame of a pop star, in which human achievement soars to new heights while its depravity plunges to the blackest depths. A world in which at least one cat smells like a seafood shop's dumpster on a hot summer day. This is the world in which Zoey Ashe finds herself, navigating a futuristic city in which one can find elements of the fantastic, nightmarish and ridiculous on any street corner. Her only trusted advisor is the aforementioned cat, but even in the future, cats cannot give advice. At least not any that you'd want to follow. Will Zoey figure it all out in time? Or maybe the better question is, will you? After all, the future is coming sooner than you think.

Mogworld

Author : Yahtzee Croshaw
ISBN : 9781621151593
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 69. 43 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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In a world full to bursting with would-be heroes, Jim couldn't be less interested in saving the day. His fireballs fizzle. He's awfully grumpy. Plus, he's been dead for about sixty years. When a renegade necromancer wrenches him from eternal slumber and into a world gone terribly, bizarrely wrong, all Jim wants is to find a way to die properly, once and for all. On his side, he's got a few shambling corpses, an inept thief, and a powerful death wish. But he's up against tough odds: angry mobs of adventurers, a body falling apart at the seams — and a team of programmers racing a deadline to hammer out the last few bugs in their AI. *Mogworld is the debut novel from video-game icon Yahtzee Croshaw (Zero Punctuation)! With an exclusive one-chapter preview of Yahtzee Croshaw's next novel, Jam—coming to bookstores in October 2012! *Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw's video review site, Zero Punctuation, receives over 2,500,000 unique hits a month, and has been licensed by G4 Television. *Yahtzee's blog receives about 150,000 hits per day. "The first legitimate breakout hit from the gaming community in recent memory." -Boing Boing

Jam

Author : Yahtzee Croshaw
ISBN : 9781621154433
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 47. 59 MB
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We were prepared for an earthquake. We had a flood plan in place. We could even have dealt with zombies. Probably. But no one expected the end to be quite so... sticky... or strawberry scented. Yahtzee Croshaw (Mogworld, Zero Punctuation Reviews) returns to print with a follow-up to his smash-hit debut: Jam, a dark comedy about the one apocalypse no one predicted. * The hilarious new novel by the author of Mogworld! * Croshaw's Zero Punctuation Reviews is the most viewed video game review on the web! * For lovers of bizarre horror and unforgettable characters! "[Croshaw is] able to pull off slapstick comedy in print, and that's no easy feat." –ComicsAlliance

Zombology

Author : Brian Anse Patrick
ISBN : 9781907166914
Genre : Performing Arts
File Size : 36. 77 MB
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In films, television, books, games, pornography, and now even in firearms and ammunition being sold to the American public, zombies are one of the mainstays of the popular culture of our time. Far from being only a passing curiosity, Brian Patrick dissects the zombie, showing it as the articulation of deep-seated fears within the Western psyche, a symbol in fact for the growing dehumanization that many of us observe, or perhaps sense without fully realizing it, in modern civilization. Patrick connects the zombie phenomenon to previous historical occurrences, drawing on both religion and psychology to show how such symbolic tropes that lodge in the collective unconscious of a culture are reflective of the psychological needs of large numbers of people in times of crisis. Patrick likewise shows how zombiedom has manifested particularly in American gun culture, and how this relates to the growth of a large-scale citizens' activist movement in favor of gun rights. Also included are practical tips on how to stay out of the clutches of zombiedom. Zombology is more than just a book about zombies, however. The zombie, for Patrick, is a peculiarly Western phenomenon, and as such, he examines how it can be seen as a manifestation of not-so-abstract forces battling for the future of our civilization: will collectivization or the individual, dream or reality win out? Patrick offers his own diagnosis. "At the very least the zombie adds some much-needed psychic contrast to the cold, to the grey and to the unending. It also provides a face, albeit necrotic, to the seemingly impersonal sociological forces that undermine the West; for in a near-perfect correspondence with the zombie, the West itself appears to be necrotic in a galloping way. Both need brains to ease the pain."-p. 48

How To Fight Presidents

Author : Daniel O'Brien
ISBN : 9780385347587
Genre : Humor
File Size : 78. 20 MB
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Make no mistake: Our founding fathers were more bandanas-and-muscles than powdered-wigs-and-tea. As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life. Theodore Roosevelt had asthma, was blind in one eye, survived multiple gunshot wounds, had only one regret (that there were no wars to fight under his presidency), and was the first U.S. president to win the Medal of Honor, which he did after he died. Faced with the choice, George Washington actually preferred the sound of bullets whizzing by his head in battle over the sound of silence. And now these men—these hallowed leaders of the free world—want to kick your ass. Plenty of historians can tell you which president had the most effective economic strategies, and which president helped shape our current political parties, but can any of them tell you what to do if you encounter Chester A. Arthur in a bare-knuckled boxing fight? This book will teach you how to be better, stronger, faster, and more deadly than the most powerful (and craziest) men in history. You’re welcome.

Skullcrack City

Author : Jeremy Robert Johnson
ISBN : 1621051714
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 55. 52 MB
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You weren't always an agent of the apocalypse. You used to be a banker. Who knew that too much coffee and a few bad decisions would lead to the end of the world? Life as a corporate drone was killing S.P. Doyle, so he decided to bring down the whole corrupt system from the inside. But after discovering something monstrous in the bank's files, he was framed for murder and trapped inside a conspiracy beyond reason. Now Doyle's doing his best to survive against a nightmare cabal of crooked conglomerates, DNA-doped mutants, drug-addled freak show celebs, experimental surgeons, depraved doomsday cults, and the ultra-bad mojo of a full-blown Hexadrine habit. Joined by his pet turtle Deckard, and Dara, a beautiful missionary with a murderous past, Doyle must find a way to save humankind and fight the terrible truth at the heart of... SKULLCRACK CITY

Welcome To Night Vale A Novel

Author : Joseph Fink
ISBN : 9780356504858
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 49. 68 MB
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WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE . . . a friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while its citizens pretend to sleep. It's a town like your town, with a city hall, a bowling alley, a diner, and a radio station reporting all the news that's allowed to be heard. It might be more like your town than you'd like to admit. In this ordinary town where ghosts, aliens and government conspiracies are parts of everyday life, the lives of two women, with two mysteries, are about to converge. From the creators of the wildly popular Welcome to Night Vale podcast comes an original mystery of appearances and disappearances about the ways we all struggle to find ourselves, no matter where we live.

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