this book is full of spiders seriously dude don t touch it john dies at the end 2

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This Book Is Full Of Spiders

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9781250017901
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 28. 13 MB
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From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes. WARNING: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.

This Book Is Full Of Spiders Seriously Dude Don T Touch It

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9781781164563
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 78. 2 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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Fan favourite David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with this blistering sequel to the cult sensation John Dies at the End, now a movie starring Paul Giamatti. As the sequel opens, we find our heroes, David and John, again embroiled in a series of horrifying yet mind-bogglingly ridiculous events caused primarily by their own gross incompetence. The guys find that books and movies about zombies may have triggered a zombie apocalypse, despite a complete lack of zombies in the world. As they race against the clock to protect humanity from its own paranoia, they must ask themselves, who are the real monsters? Actually, that would be the shape-shifting horrors secretly taking over the world behind the scenes that, in the end, make John and Dave kind of wish it had been zombies after all. Hilarious, terrifying, engaging and wrenching, This Book Is Full of Spiders, the next thrilling installment, takes us for a wild ride with two slackers from the midwest who really have better things to do with their time than prevent the apocalypse.

This Book Is Full Of Spiders

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9780312546342
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 68. 92 MB
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David and John become embroiled in a new set of horrific but absurd challenges when movie-induced zombie phobia enables a nefarious shape-shifter race to take over the world.

John Dies At The End

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9780857686220
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 88. 37 MB
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My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrock, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defence is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part about the bratwurst. Why? You'll just have to trust me. Unfortunately for us, if you make the right choice, we'll have a much harder time explaining how to fight off the otherwordly invasion currently threatening to enslave humanity. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT...

Futuristic Violence And Fancy Suits

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 9781466835436
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 54. 33 MB
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A Winner of the 2016 Alex Awards Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. Mysterious, smooth-talking power players who lurk behind the scenes. A young woman from the trailer park. And her very smelly cat. Together, they will decide the future of mankind. Get ready for a world in which anyone can have the powers of a god or the fame of a pop star, in which human achievement soars to new heights while its depravity plunges to the blackest depths. A world in which at least one cat smells like a seafood shop's dumpster on a hot summer day. This is the world in which Zoey Ashe finds herself, navigating a futuristic city in which one can find elements of the fantastic, nightmarish and ridiculous on any street corner. Her only trusted advisor is the aforementioned cat, but even in the future, cats cannot give advice. At least not any that you'd want to follow. Will Zoey figure it all out in time? Or maybe the better question is, will you? After all, the future is coming sooner than you think.

What The Hell Did I Just Read

Author : David Wong
ISBN : 1250040205
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 26. 72 MB
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New York Times bestselling author David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with his latest dark comic horror, set in the world of John Dies at the End and This Book is Full of Spiders. John Dies at the End's "smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next" (Publishers Weekly) and This Book is Full of Spiders was "unlike any other book of the genre" (Washington Post). Now, Wong is back with the third installment of this black-humored thriller series. While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shapeshifting entity from another dimension snatching local children, the gang realize there might actually be something weird going on. Together they will navigate a hilariously convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence, attempting to uncover a terrible truth they'd be better off not knowing. Equal parts terrifying and darkly comedic in his writing, David Wong “will be remembered as one of today’s great satirists” (Nerdist).

Mogworld

Author : Yahtzee Croshaw
ISBN : 9781621151593
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 20. 44 MB
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In a world full to bursting with would-be heroes, Jim couldn't be less interested in saving the day. His fireballs fizzle. He's awfully grumpy. Plus, he's been dead for about sixty years. When a renegade necromancer wrenches him from eternal slumber and into a world gone terribly, bizarrely wrong, all Jim wants is to find a way to die properly, once and for all. On his side, he's got a few shambling corpses, an inept thief, and a powerful death wish. But he's up against tough odds: angry mobs of adventurers, a body falling apart at the seams — and a team of programmers racing a deadline to hammer out the last few bugs in their AI. *Mogworld is the debut novel from video-game icon Yahtzee Croshaw (Zero Punctuation)! With an exclusive one-chapter preview of Yahtzee Croshaw's next novel, Jam—coming to bookstores in October 2012! *Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw's video review site, Zero Punctuation, receives over 2,500,000 unique hits a month, and has been licensed by G4 Television. *Yahtzee's blog receives about 150,000 hits per day. "The first legitimate breakout hit from the gaming community in recent memory." -Boing Boing

Jam

Author : Yahtzee Croshaw
ISBN : 9781621154433
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 74. 9 MB
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We were prepared for an earthquake. We had a flood plan in place. We could even have dealt with zombies. Probably. But no one expected the end to be quite so... sticky... or strawberry scented. Yahtzee Croshaw (Mogworld, Zero Punctuation Reviews) returns to print with a follow-up to his smash-hit debut: Jam, a dark comedy about the one apocalypse no one predicted. * The hilarious new novel by the author of Mogworld! * Croshaw's Zero Punctuation Reviews is the most viewed video game review on the web! * For lovers of bizarre horror and unforgettable characters! "[Croshaw is] able to pull off slapstick comedy in print, and that's no easy feat." –ComicsAlliance

How To Fight Presidents

Author : Daniel O'Brien
ISBN : 9780385347587
Genre : Humor
File Size : 50. 5 MB
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Make no mistake: Our founding fathers were more bandanas-and-muscles than powdered-wigs-and-tea. As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life. Theodore Roosevelt had asthma, was blind in one eye, survived multiple gunshot wounds, had only one regret (that there were no wars to fight under his presidency), and was the first U.S. president to win the Medal of Honor, which he did after he died. Faced with the choice, George Washington actually preferred the sound of bullets whizzing by his head in battle over the sound of silence. And now these men—these hallowed leaders of the free world—want to kick your ass. Plenty of historians can tell you which president had the most effective economic strategies, and which president helped shape our current political parties, but can any of them tell you what to do if you encounter Chester A. Arthur in a bare-knuckled boxing fight? This book will teach you how to be better, stronger, faster, and more deadly than the most powerful (and craziest) men in history. You’re welcome.

Great Glowing Coils Of The Universe Welcome To Night Vale Episodes Volume 2

Author : Joseph Fink
ISBN : 9780356508634
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 44. 6 MB
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'Hypnotic' NEW YORK TIMES 'Incredible' BUZZFEED 'Brilliant' BOING BOING Downloaded over 100 million times in podcast form, Welcome to Night Vale is now yours to take home in print for the first time. Collecting such fan favourite episodes as 'A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain' and 'First Date', this volume contains the full second season of scripts for the #1 international bestselling podcast, with bonus material including: · Beautiful illustrations by series artist Jessica Hayworth to accompany each episode · Behind-the-scenes commentary from the New York Times bestselling authors · Guest essays by Night Vale performers and notable fans such as Cecil Baldwin (Cecil), Mara Wilson (The Faceless Old Woman), Hal Lublin (Steve Carlsberg) among others · The full script to Night Vale's sell-out live show, 'The Debate' The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe is an absolute must-have whether you're a fan of the podcast or discovering the wonderful world of Night Vale for the first time. (Don't miss Mostly Void, Partially Stars, featuring the very first year of podcast scripts, or Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel.)

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